Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on a simple but powerful idea: the way we think about a situation affects how we feel and what we do next.

In my work, I use CBT to help clients slow things down and become curious about what is happening. What am I telling myself right now? Is this thought accurate, or is anxiety filling in the blanks? Is there another way to look at the situation? And most importantly—what would help me respond differently?

I don’t believe CBT is about telling yourself to “think positively” or convincing yourself that everything is fine. Sometimes things are difficult. Sometimes we are disappointed, worried, angry, or hurt for very understandable reasons. The goal is to recognize when our thinking is making an already difficult situation even harder.

Understanding the Patterns That Keep Us Stuck

We all develop patterns in the way we think about ourselves, other people, and the situations we encounter. Many happen so automatically that we don’t even realize they are there.

You might notice that your mind immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario. You may assume you know what someone else is thinking, or one difficult interaction may quickly become “this always happens” or “I can’t handle this.”

The thought can feel completely true in the moment.

CBT helps us slow that process down. Together, we look at what actually happened, what you told yourself about it, how that affected your emotions, and what you did next.

Sometimes we challenge a thought. Sometimes we look for another explanation. And sometimes we recognize that something might be possible, but we are treating a possibility as though it is a certainty.

The goal isn’t to find the most positive interpretation. It is to find one that is more accurate, balanced, and helpful.

Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Work Together

CBT also pays attention to behavior because what we do can reinforce the way we think and feel.

Sometimes the things we do to feel better in the moment actually keep us stuck over time.

If something makes you anxious, avoiding it may bring immediate relief. If you are uncertain, asking for reassurance may help temporarily. If you are afraid of making a mistake, putting off a decision may feel safer.

Those responses make sense. They work—at least for a little while.

The problem is that they can also teach your brain that you could not have handled the situation on your own.

CBT helps us notice these cycles and experiment with responding differently. Instead of always asking, “How do I make this uncomfortable feeling go away?” we may begin asking, “Can I have this feeling and still do what I need or want to do?”

That is often where confidence begins to grow.

Practical Tools for Everyday Life

One of the things I especially like about CBT is that it gives clients practical tools they can use outside of the therapy room.

Depending on what you are working on, we might practice coping strategies, challenge an unhelpful thought, prepare for a difficult conversation, work on problem-solving or communication, break an overwhelming situation into smaller steps, or find a different way to respond when anxiety shows up.

Sometimes we may use a structured exercise. Other times, we might take something that happened during your week and slow it down together:

What happened?

What did you think?

What did you feel?

What did you do?

What might you want to try differently next time?

Over time, I want clients to become able to ask themselves these questions without needing me there to ask them.

CBT With Children and Teens

With children and teens, I make CBT concrete and engaging.

I don’t expect a child to sit down and have an adult conversation about cognitive distortions. Instead, we may use games, worksheets, visuals, stories, activities, examples from their own lives, and lots of practice.

We might give a name to a “worried brain,” practice identifying worst-case thinking, notice what happens in the body when anxiety shows up, or figure out which coping strategies actually help that particular child.

I want children to understand not only what to do when they are anxious or overwhelmed, but why the strategy works. My goal is for them to gradually recognize their own patterns and be able to think, “I know what’s happening here, and I know what I can do.”

CBT With Adults

With adults, CBT can be just as practical while also leaving room to understand the bigger picture.

We may look at how earlier experiences, relationships, expectations, or long-standing beliefs influence the way you respond today.

Perhaps you learned that you need to keep everyone happy. Maybe mistakes feel especially threatening. You may take responsibility for other people’s emotions or feel that you need to anticipate problems before they happen.

Understanding where a pattern comes from can be important—but understanding alone does not always change it.

We also ask: What happens now when this pattern shows up? Is it still helping you? What would you like to do differently?

We can understand and have compassion for why a pattern developed while also recognizing that you may no longer need to respond in the same way.

CBT That Fits the Person

Although CBT is structured and goal-oriented, I don’t believe therapy should feel rigid or one-size-fits-all.

I adapt the approach to the person sitting in front of me. Some clients appreciate worksheets and concrete exercises. Others learn best through conversation and real-life examples. Most benefit from a combination.

Ultimately, my goal is not for you to never feel anxious, upset, disappointed, or uncertain. Those feelings are part of being human.

The goal is to understand yourself better, recognize the patterns that may be getting in your way, and feel more confident in your ability to cope when life is difficult.

You may not always be able to choose what happens or how you initially feel about it. But you can learn that you have more choice in what you do next.

You’re welcome to reach out to learn more about how I use CBT or to schedule a consultation.